Talking is a big part of what a relationship fundraiser does. I wrote about that recently in a blog that focused on ensuring your “conversations” are not effectively serial monologues. I’m going to dig a bit deeper into this theme because it’s something I see quite frequently—and not just with fundraisers!
The average person speaks 120 to 170 words per minute, but can hear or understand 450 words per minute. That 280–330 word gap allows for processing information.
Hopefully, your listener is reflecting on, summarizing, or analyzing what you are saying. But if the gap is on the longer side, it is likely your listener is increasingly distracted and has possibly drifted away. It can show up in body language, a faraway look in the eye, or what feels like an abrupt segue to something completely different because your listener stopped, well, listening.
Bottom line: it’s quite possible that your donor is done listening to you before you’re done talking.
A quick Google AI search shows the average person hears between 20,000 to 30,000 words during a 24-hour period. That can be from conversations, the media (radio, television, podcasts….) or just hearing what is going on around them. And while we hear a lot, we don’t process as much. And we certainly don’t retain anything near everything we hear (Google AI says 17-25%).
This means you need to make sure what you say counts and that it is heard. So again, are you still talking when your donor is done listening?
Here are a few of my experiences:
I recently listened to a live webinar that had fantastic content, but the pace was so slow I felt itchy and started checking email.
I was in another conversation with a trial lawyer and I could barely catch what the person was saying. She had a super-fast pace with words dropped off, combined with being soft spoken. I asked “What?” so many times, I am sure I irritated her.
I coached an MGO that said he could not get conversations going on the phone. I told him that I struggled to understand him and my hearing is great. Turns out he tended to slump forward when on the phone, so I recommended he try a power pose, then stand up and put his shoulders back, before making a call.
Go back to that volume of words we hear in a day and it’s clear that the mechanics of talking really matter if you want your listener to hear, understand, and retain what you are saying.
If you want to test yourself, you can use tools like PowerPoint and Zoom to record and listen to yourself to help you improve. I got the idea from a 2018 post on LinkedIn by Laura Bergells and highly recommend you try it. I did it myself, recording her 170-word script that I completed in 54 seconds—so I am on the fast side. I then uploaded it to YouTube studio, made the setting private, and turned on “Caption” so I could see if my speech was clear.
Well, remember that trial attorney I referenced. SAME—except the soft-spoken part.
My struggle is to articulate and enunciate well when I am talking. Often, my brain is racing ahead of my mouth and words can get a little garbled. It’s kind of funny given the number of webinars I participate in for Veritus. I have to focus on slowing down to be clear without losing energy to keep my listener engaged. You may need to speed up.
From Bergell’s post:
You might have a hard time evaluating your own voice, so ask a classmate or colleague for feedback. To guide the discussion, ask your evaluators to focus on pace and tempo. Here are some sample questions:
- Did you think I was talking too fast, too slow, or just right?
- When I paused, how did that seem to you? Too long, too short, not enough?
- When I quickened my tempo, was I understandable? How did it sound?
- When I slowed my pace, how did it sound to you? Did it sound appropriate?
Reflection and class discussion: How did you do? Did you fall within the conversational range of 140-170 words per minute? What public speaking techniques can help improve pacing (i.e., what kind of breathing, rehearsal, body language, writing, or other techniques help?)?
I realize some of you reading this may be rolling your eyes. I get it. This is basic. But I am here to tell you that I talk with a lot of people in the course of a week and it is a weakness with many fundraisers—people whose job is to talk, and talk in such a way that we are engaging with our listener with the goal of gaining agreement and moving forward with support about something the donor cares about. What an ideal audience! They want to know what we have to say.
It’s easy to get in your head that you’re seasoned, experienced, and fast on your feet—and therefore don’t need to practice. But you do. Just like a musician, an athlete, or a surgeon. Practice helps you stay sharp.
Hopefully, you’ll never have a conversation partner that gets that glazed-over look in their eyes, but one who instead leans in with a feeling of energy and delivers a satisfying conversational experience. For both parties.
Part 1: Are You Talking Too Much in Conversations?
Part 3 coming soon: Don’t Ask “How Are You?”