I was sitting at a local pizza place several weeks ago, and a young family came and sat next to my wife and me. There were three kids, all teenagers, and the mom and dad. The server came over to take the drink order, and then there was total silence at the table.
The silence caught my attention so I turned to look and found that all the kids and the mom and dad were buried in their cell phones texting and surfing. This went on for the whole meal. At one point the wife was trying to talk to the husband and he was feigning attention by grunting acknowledgements. It was pretty sad. I see this more and more where kids are given iPads to “keep them distracted,” rather than learn the social skills they need to have while in public.
I sit in more and more meetings where computers are open and people are actively doing email in the meeting – where texting is actively going on, etc. and the participants are not really present in the meetings. We have a rule in our company. No texting or computers in meetings or conference calls. I will stop the meeting if I see that going on. It is rude.
Then my wife tells me there’s a nursing home that has installed a robot to take care of old people – and that this robot, when talked to by the older person, sighs and turns its head to simulate paying attention and caring. The author of this news story makes the point that technology, while helpful, is no substitute for human interaction.
It would be ridiculous to even consider that a robot could be a major gift officer. But in your daily major gift work, you have to watch that you don’t do “robot-like work” and dehumanize the sacred and mystical thing that major gift work is.
Here are some things to watch out for, so you keep being human and staying present with your caseload donors:

  1. Watch that your moves don’t become mechanical. If you have 150 qualified donors on your caseload and you have a strategic plan for every donor (with one or more tactical moves in every month), the chances are pretty high that in any given month many of the tactics for your donors will be the same. This dynamic, if not managed, will cause you to think about the donors as a group or as a cluster, rather than as individual donors. You will be moving into robot land. Be careful. Every donor is different. Just because two donors have the same tactic this week does not mean that you will treat them the same.
  2. Efficiency is the enemy of intimacy. I know this one first-hand, because I am very goal-oriented, and I don’t want to waste one millisecond on redundant and wasteful actions. But my wife constantly reminds me that relationship is not efficient. It is sometimes messy and unpredictable. It takes time, and all of that is not efficient. So you planned to have three major donor visits today, but you were with Mrs. Jones and the whole interaction needed another hour – an hour you did not have. That is the way it goes. You give her the hour, and you change your day around. You do not rush out the door. If you try to be too efficient in major gifts, you will be moving into robot land. Be careful.
  3. Stay present to your donor. This is very hard to do, especially if the donor is boring or difficult, or their style is one that rubs you the wrong way. Yes, it’s true: some people you like, and some you don’t. It is a fact of life. But as a MGO you do not have a choice to favor the “good” donors and disfavor the “bad” ones. So you have to watch that you stay present with each donor, honoring them with your attention and listening to their details.
  4. Flee from strategies and tactics that turn you into a robot. You know what these are. The impersonal letter. The heartless phone call that lacks content. The boilerplate email. The action that takes care of business but doesn’t value relationship. Don’t do it. I know you are tired, and it has been a busy day, and that there is a lot to do, etc. I know that. But don’t go in this direction. If you do, you will be in robot land.

Technology is a great thing. I love it. I am sure you do, too. But it is a tool to support your goals and values. It is not something that can replace real relationship. Today and the rest of this week, be on the lookout for robot-like behavior that has crept into your life, both personally and professionally. Then if you find it, root it out and get back to being human. It’s the best place to be.
Richard

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