I was recently talking to the CEO of a large non-profit. She was very frustrated with her major gift manager because he could not, in her words “get his frontline fundraisers to manage their interactions with donors in the right way.”

I pressed for more information. “What do you mean by the right way,” I asked?

“Making interactions with the donor about them,” she replied. “Instead, what they do,” she continued, “is talk about themselves or our organization. And it is obvious by the numbers, the wording in their proposals and asks that are not funded, and the donor and value attrition that there is a major communication failure here.”

The CEO had uncovered a common problem in non-profit fundraising – the problem of self-expression. It’s not only a problem in fundraising, but also a problem in the commercial world as well. It’s also a problem in most every human social interaction.

Do this test today to see what it looks like. In every interaction you have with another human being today, and every interaction you can observe where other people are talking to each other, whether on the phone, a video call, or in person – in all those situations look for self-expression:

• One person is constantly talking
• If you can hear the conversation is centered on themselves, their new experience, the problem they have, etc
• There is a strong absence of curiosity about anyone else and their lives or situations
• There is lack of self-awareness

Look for it. You will see it.

Also, look for the same dynamic in the business practice of your organization. Watch for this dynamic in meetings and other interactions. Read some proposals you and others have written to prospective donors. Look for the corporate self-expression where the messaging is about “how we do great things, what we can offer you, our wonderful philosophy and approach” etc.

Look for it. You will find it.

It is a common problem. I struggle with it myself. Everyone does. In fact, in a meeting several weeks ago, I caught myself self-promoting instead of listening to the other person’s needs. It is easy to do. And no one can escape the urge to do it.

Here’s the thing. In fundraising, it is always about the prospect or donor (individual or institution) and their needs. They have a set of interests and passions. They have a vision for what they would like to do on the planet with their resources. Good fundraising is about understanding the prospect and donor. It means being curious and listening. It means being focused on them and not yourself.

That is, fundamentally, you must start with THEM and then find the match to YOU before proposing a path forward that meets their needs and yours in a mutual way. That is good fundraising.

With this in mind, look at how you are communicating with your donors and prospects. Keep grabbing that self-expression button and turning the volume down. Be curious and listen well. And things will get a lot better for you as you work to find the resources your good cause needs.

Richard