To Grow Your Donor Relationships, Start With Empathy

Karen Kendrick • Senior Director of Learning • March 2022

To Grow Your Donor Relationships, Start With Empathy

HOW TO CHANGE DONOR EXPECTATIONS AND BUILD TRUST OVER TIME

Have you spent much time stepping into your donors’ shoes and thinking about what their experiences with fundraisers have been?

We often think that when a donor doesn’t want to talk to us, it must be because they’re busy or uninterested. But the reality may be very different.

Here are some other factors that may explain why a donor is not responding:

The first is a lack of clarity on purpose or movement in the relationship. The MGO calls and thanks the donor, asks them questions about their lives to get to know them, and may share a bit about their programs. Then the next call is the same, and sometimes the program updates seem to go on and on and are not related to the donor’s passions and interests.

The donor is not sure of the purpose of each call and is waiting with a tight defensiveness for when the MGO is going to ask for money. Or maybe the MGO never does ask; it just continues to be a repeated stewardship call. How would you feel? Would that be of value to you? Would you want to keep meeting with that fundraiser?

The second is that donors expect to be treated like an ATM machine. The donor may get a thank you call and then nothing else until there is a request for a gift. This happens in annual or membership models often, but can also happen in major gifts programs. The donor hears from the organization once a year when it’s time to give their gift. They give the obligatory amount and move on. This is transactional. This does not lead to meaningful to transformational giving.

Most likely, donors have experienced both of the above scenarios, and when you couple that with high turnover (every 15-18 months on average) in fundraiser positions, there’s this constant wash and repeat “get to know you” dance with each new MGO at each organization they give to. That sounds exhausting! And it can be frustrating and devaluing especially when the previous MGO didn’t track info well in their CRM so the donor is being asked the exact same questions they were asked one year ago by the previous MGO. No wonder donors don’t really want to engage and meet with us. Would you?

I wanted to talk about the donor’s experience first, because it is helpful to walk in their shoes for a moment and realize they have some very legitimate reasons to feel resistant. If we are going to change the donor relationship to one of a partnership through meaningful connections, we need to understand that it will be a process of changing expectations and building trust over time.

Before we go any further, let’s define a meaningful connection. A meaningful connection is any interaction and communication with the donor that moves the relationship forward. This can happen in any manner including text, LinkedIn, video, phone, traditional mail, and, yes, in a donor meeting.

What does it mean to “move the relationship forward”?

You learn about their lives, family, work, vacations, interest - the personal stuff
You find out their communication preferences (text, phone, zoom, email, mail, in person) and offer new ways of communicating

You learn more about their interests and passions

You learn more about their history and experiences with your organization

You find out what is the most meaningful way for them to receive updates on what they care about

You build trust by sending them something totally unrelated to your organization that they care about

No matter if you’re new or you’re just seeking to change how you relate to your donors, here are some important steps you can take to change donor expectations and build trust:

Connect emotionally with what your donors may have experienced and understand that this will be a process. Use this connection to have patience and remember that, on average, only one in three donors that meet the major gifts criteria actually want a relationship with an organization. So, when you have given it your best effort (our qualifying process takes donors through seven touch points) and a donor doesn’t want to connect, that is actually great news because you now know you can focus your time elsewhere.
Check yourself about how you can get in your own way. If all your thoughts are focused on why the donor won’t respond, that inhibits your abilities and it is just downright exhausting. You may find yourself having thoughts like these, “Our organization had some bad things go down in past years they are never going to want to talk to me.” Or “They won’t want to take my calls – they won’t believe this will be worth their time.” Take a moment and get yourself back on track with what is actually true. Here are some true thoughts: “I know this is new and will take time, but I get to be a part of something transformative, giving donors a whole new experience that is honoring and meaningful.”
You want to clearly define your role and how it might be different than what they have experienced in the past. It is helpful to a donor to know what you are up to.

If you get the opportunity, tell them (in writing or phone/in person) exactly what you are planning to do and what you see your role being. No more wandering meetings with no objectives. This might sound something like, “Before we get into chatting, would you mind if I shared a bit with you about what I see my role being? I want to be the bridge between your heart, your passions and interests, and the work of our mission. In being that bridge, I want to better understand what you care the most about that we do, and connect you to that work regularly and in meaningful ways. So, I may have questions about your communication preferences, or passions and interests, so that I can do a better job of connecting you to what you care about. And I will always tell you the objective for any meeting we have before we meet to make sure that is OK with you. Most importantly, I won’t surprise you will an ask for a gift. I will always let you know and ask if you ready to discuss your support of a project.”
Then you do it. Create an individual plan for each of your qualified donors on your caseload. That plan will include learning their communication preferences, finding out their interests and passions, following up with touch points that are meaningful to them, and continuing to check in along the way on what is working or not and how you can better serve their needs. Before any donor connection, you are clear on what your next steps are, what you need to learn or do to move the relationship with the organization and programs forward, and you always let the donor know your objectives and ask permission to do so.

What I hear from MGOs who really step into creating meaningful connections is that donors respond with surprise and appreciation. They have gotten thank you cards or phone calls saying, “I never had an MGO treat me with such respect, and I am so honored.” What fun! How exciting would it be to get to take the donor down a whole new path of experience with your organization? This is the power of having meaningful connections with your donors. I encourage you to take one donor today and think about how you can engage them in this way.

Karen