Don’t worry – Veritus hasn’t turned into a cooking blog! Today we’re talking about human onions.

Everyone has onions in their lives. Those are the people with the tough outer shell, where it’s hard to peel back the layers. It’s not just that they’re introverted – they just don’t have the desire to share about themselves with others. They are the champions of the two-word answers; the stoic observers who sit quietly in the corner. I know these types of people well because I’m married to an onion. And after a decade together, my immediate family still has trouble getting him to talk to them.

If you’re a gift officer, having an onion donor can be maddening. And in many cases, it can be easy to write these donors off, and simply presume that communication from you won’t make any difference. While that may be the case (since we know that 2/3 of donors don’t actually want a personal relationship with a gift officer), if you write them off without putting in the work first, you can lose the opportunity to connect with a really passionate donor. Don’t presume that because they don’t respond much, that they don’t care. My husband the onion cares deeply about a few of the philanthropic causes we support – but you have to really put in the work to get him to show it.

So, if you suspect that you have an onion or two on your caseload, here are some strategies to consider for how to approach them:

 Find ways to communicate that are low pressure for them.

Onions may not be big fans of lengthy communication, so find ways for them to still give you the information you need without making them do a lot of work. For instance, you can use and re-use the survey you created in the qualification process to get them to share what they’re passionate about. You can even craft special additional surveys just for the onions to give them an excuse to share more. (Just don’t expect long answers to your open-ended questions. Multiple choice is your friend.)

Also, try to lean heavily on email and text for your communication. Don’t expect an onion to be excited to talk on the phone or hop on Zoom – at least not for awhile.

Ask direct questions that are easy for them to answer.

We’ve all had the donor who somehow manages to answer our best open-ended question with a two-word answer. Onions don’t always respond well to the open-ended questions – especially when the relationship is newer. So if you ask a question that is too broad and too much work for them, you’re much more likely to get someone who won’t reply at all. Be cognizant of how you’re phrasing questions in your email communications. Instead of asking, “Chuck, which story did you like the most?” ask something more direct, like, “Chuck, did you like the story about Susie? Would you like to receive more information about this program?”

Multiple choice questions can be helpful in email as well. If you share an infographic full of stats, you can ask, “Ellen, which of the four stats was the most surprising to you?” Or, make them choose between your different programs so they have to give you an answer. “Matt, of our five program areas (list them), if our organization could only do one going forward, which do you think would be the most important to continue?”

Pay attention to what gets their attention.

Can you see which emails they are opening? If you have the technology to tell if they are watching videos that you send, pay attention to which ones. What emails do they actually respond to? If your organization does multiple appeals throughout the year, note which appeals they are giving to and note the content of those appeals. Onions will often reveal more of themselves through their actions (or lack thereof) than what they say to you. Do some data collection on what you can tell about their behavior and see if you notice any patterns or trends.

If you do see any patterns or trends, ask them a direct question to confirm your assumption. “Bill, I noticed that you tend to support our disaster relief efforts. Is that a part of our work that is particularly appealing to you? Can I share more about that with you?”

Don’t write them off if they have a chatty partner.

Opposites attract, so you may find that you have an onion donor whose significant other is a lot easier to communicate with. (I’m speaking from experience here.) But just because you have success communicating with their partner, don’t presume that the onion of the couple doesn’t want to hear from you too. There are a few causes that my husband and I support as a couple, and while he is happy for me to do all the replying, it is still important to him that he receives the email updates, and that both of our names are on all communication.

Be direct and ask the “talker” if their partner would also like to receive communication, and how. “Bill, I noticed that I often hear back more from you, but we have email addresses for both you and Mary. Would you know if Mary is interested in receiving these emails too, or should I only be sending things to you?”

Reveal more of yourself to build trust.

Onions open up more when they know they are around people who understand them. The only time I’ve seen my husband open up about his passion for animal rescue is when he is around other people whom he knows support that cause as well. He knows they “get it,” so he feels more comfortable sharing his own story. Can you find ways in your communication to share more of yourself, and why the organization you work for means something to you? In time, your onion will see that you have the same passion they do, and will likely feel a little more comfortable opening up about their own.

If you do get a conversation over phone or Zoom, Permission-Based Asking is KEY.

With an onion, you have to make the donor feel comfortable and in control of the conversation. Getting an onion to really peel back the layers takes trust and time. One of the simplest ways to build trust during any donor conversation is using the Permission-Based Asking model. (This tip really works for any donor on your caseload, but you won’t get far with an onion without being permission-based in your conversation.)

Live in the discomfort a little.

You may find yourself on the phone with an onion donor, and it can feel like a never-ending call that is going nowhere. This was the situation one of my clients found herself in recently. In those scenarios, it can be easy to think “OK, I just need to hurry up and end this call.” But if you’re being permission-based and they are still open to hearing your updates, fight that discomfort!

If you’re like my client, you may share the one story that really speaks to them, and then you find the floodgates open and a tone shifts. In the case of my client, not only did she discover her donor’s passion for their work, but she saw a warmth in that donor and got to a new level in their connection. Remember, peeling an actual onion can be pretty uncomfortable – you have to persevere when you’re trying to peel back a human onion’s layers, too.

Patience is a virtue.

We talk a lot about how mid-level and major gifts is a long-game. Onion donors will make you go into extra innings. But the long-term rewards of working with an onion donor, building that trust, and getting them more engaged is going to pay off. Remember, even if they don’t respond often, you are probably making more of a difference now than you realize. So stick with it.

In summary – these folks are passionate about your mission, but it takes a while before they’re comfortable opening up. Don’t give up on them! I hope these tips are helpful as you work to get to know those onion donors on your caseload.

Theresa

Theresa Tapocsi is a Client Experience Leader at Veritus Group. With more than a decade of experience in fundraising, Theresa brings a passion for the non-profit sector to her work. She has worked on multiple successful capital campaigns, and has spent her career helping organizations establish systems and best practices for many functions of fundraising and non-profit management, including annual giving, major giving, board development, grants planning, and event management. She has her B.A. in Arts Management and an MBA in Entrepreneurship from Baldwin Wallace University.