Breaking Through the Story You Created in Your Head

I just don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve been working with many MGOs who are really struggling with confidence. Either they’ve recently had a bad experience with a donor, or a donor just doesn’t get back to them after trying what seems like hundreds of times… or they look at their colleagues and wonder why they are not experiencing that same success.
Have you ever felt this way?
Sometimes the MGO then starts to create what I call his “excuse story” or “the story in his head” to either justify not taking an action or to explain why he is not reaching his goals and carrying out his intended strategy with donors.
Here is a list of “excuse stories” I’ve encountered recently:

1. My donor is too busy, and I shouldn’t be trying to call her.
2. My donor lives in Florida part of the year, so I can’t get in touch with him.
3. My CEO is too busy to discuss the donors on my caseload that he needs to solicit.
4. I don’t think my donors like me.
5. My donor gave a capital gift, and I don’t think it’s good to ask for a gift for a different project.
6. My donors don’t care about the mission.
7. My donors only want to give in the mail, and I don’t need to see them face-to-face.
8. I don’t think my donors are interested in leaving a legacy.
9. We give our donors way too much communication.
10. My donors are powerful people – I can’t see them without the CEO and board chair, and they are too busy.
11. That donor is so wealthy that they will never take time to see me.
12. I can’t ever get past the gatekeeper.
13. My donor made a three-year pledge and I just don’t think they would consider making another gift.
14. I don’t have any good materials to take with me on a donor visit. I can’t show up without them.
15. My donor is too powerful to take the time to meet me for coffee.

Do you want me to continue? I could go on and on. Now, some of these “excuses” could be legitimate. However, all I have to do is ask one question to really find out the truth. I say, “How do you really know that?”
When the MGO starts to fumble with her answer, I know it’s a story she’s created in her head to help her feel better about not being in front of her donors and deepening that relationship.
When I sit with an MGO and we really get into why she is creating these stories, it’s usually about some issue she has about herself. Something has happened that prevents her from taking the steps necessary to make a move with her donors.
However, when I can help break down her reasoning and we talk though it, usually we get to a “breakthrough,” and we can move forward. Sometimes that doesn’t work. When it repeatedly doesn’t work, it’s time for that MGO to consider another position.
All of us create “stories” from time to time to justify not doing something that we know we should be doing. Gosh, I’ve done it many times. It’s at those times that I need one of two things to make a breakthrough. Either I need someone to hold me accountable and ask the tough questions, or I have to stop, reflect and do an honest assessment about my attitude and behavior. Why am I making up this story that holds me back? Why am I really afraid to do what I need to do?
This is what I recommend for you, too. It does work, especially to have someone that can hold you accountable and ask the hard things in life.
Don’t let these “stories” hold you back. Understand why you do it, and move forward. You, your donors and your organization are worth it.

Jeff