No One is Coming to Save You

No one is coming to save you. No one is going to waltz in your door and take over your life, fix your challenges, get you focused on the right things, and lower your stress. That might sound a bit mean, but in reality, grasping this concept is freeing. It’s your life and it’s up to you to put yourself in the driver seat. 

Avoiding responsibility for your life can stem from various factors and can be easy to do. Trust me, you are not alone. You may have learned behaviors and beliefs that at one point protected you or got you what you needed, but now only prevent you from creating the life you want. 

For example, right now, you are in the busiest fundraising time of the year for most organizations. It is common as a fundraiser to feel overwhelmed, frustrated with the lack of systems or support, and like you are a hamster on a wheel. 

There may very well be things your leadership or colleagues could do to improve your work life and fundraising success. BUT, if that is where you put ALL of your focus and energy instead of what you do have control over, and can change, you just put everyone but you in the driver seat. 

I remember my youngest telling her older sister, “You are not the troll of me.” Yep, she couldn’t say control quite yet at two. But being in charge of your life requires what my grandmother used to say, “Putting on your big girl and big boy pants.” 

So let’s break down some of the reasons why many of us hesitate to get in the driver seat: 

• Fear of Failure: You feel the pressure to get things right and meet your fundraising goals, so really taking responsibility could lead to failure or mistakes. The thought of facing criticism for mistakes or failures can lead to preferring to put the responsibility elsewhere. 
  
• Comfort in the Familiar: Change takes effort and stretches you. Staying in a passive role feels safer and less risky. 
  
• External Blame: It’s uncomfortable when you have to take responsibility and be accountable because you are being required to step up and be the leader of your life. 
  
• Perfectionism: The belief that every choice must have perfect results can prevent you from taking action. It may feel less risky to do what you have always been doing, even if it isn’t working that well, than putting your neck out with a new approach. 
  
• Overwhelm: When you are in overwhelm it impacts you emotionally, physically, and mentally, making everything seem harder and the thought of taking control daunting. Hiding, avoiding, blaming, or procrastinating seem easier at the time. 
  
• Dependency or Co-dependency: Maybe you were brought up to feel safer or have community when you gave up control to others. You do need to know how to compromise and collaborate in community and at the same time be able to make decisions and direct your own life. 
  
• Lack of Self-Belief: It takes confidence and self-love to put yourself in the driver seat. Sometimes that can be an area for growth. 
  
• Making it Too Big: Sometimes you create a story that is too big and too difficult. Let’s say you want to create a plan to be more focused these last few weeks of the year, but you believe that means you have to work 8-10 hour days with consistent concentration getting every priority on your list done; or always knowing what you should say yes or no to and keeping on track at all times. If your story of what it looks like to be in the driver seat is unrealistic, that can prevent you from stepping in. 

So, what can you do about it?

• Self-awareness: Reflect on what’s holding you back and why. What is one area at work that you continue to not step into the driver seat that is having the most impact on you right now? Maybe it is managing your schedule to block times for focused donor strategy or speak up about not attending certain meetings at this time to create more space for donor work. 
  
• Small Steps: Start with manageable changes to build confidence. If you want to start managing your own time more effectively start with small steps like adding a 2-hour time block each day for no interruptions and donor-focused work. And make sure you add in scheduled times for a break where you take a walk or listen to something inspiring. And remember that we drastically underestimate how long tasks take so when you schedule time on your calendar for a task always double the time you think it will need. If you get done early, great. Then you have time for a quick break or other small tasks. 
  
• Support Systems: Seek mentors, friends, or therapy to encourage and guide you. Make sure you have your person who holds you accountable and provides honest feedback. Being in the driver seat does not mean going it alone. You need your team riding along with you. 
  
• Focus on Growth: It is never a good time to start a new habit. I know this is a busy time of year, but if you start with one thing, and start small, it will make you feel so much better and give you more energy. 
  
• Have a Sense of Humor: It is guaranteed that this will be a journey and sometimes you will fail. Learning to not take yourself so seriously and remember you have just joined the rest of the human race who also make mistakes really helps. See those mistakes as opportunities for growth.
• Look for Angels:  When you step away from being in a negative blame space into a positive place of possibility, the universe conspires to support you. Be looking for the angels who show up to help you and the surprising ways things flow more easily. It might be anything from the perfect parking spot on a busy street when going to meet a donor or a colleague stopping by to check in on you just when you needed some encouragement. 

Putting yourself in the driver seat does not mean you then become a control freak and don’t allow others to lead. It doesn’t mean that there will no longer be frustrating aspects of your job that you don’t have control over. But it will mean that you can shift from a space of feeling helpless and stuck to feeling more excited about the possibilities of your life. Taking responsibility involves facing fears, challenging old habits, and trusting in the potential you have within you. Give yourself the gift of seeing just how incredible your potential is! 

Karen