It’s Not About You, It’s About Them: Making Assumptions Hurts Donor Relationships (Part 1)

This is the first post in a two-part series on how the stories you tell yourself about donors can hold both you—and them—back. Stay tuned for Part 2, when my colleague Theresa Tapocsi, who shares how this plays out in real donor relationships.

 
If you’ve worked with Veritus or follow our process, you know how essential the qualification process is for major gift officers. This process helps determine which donors truly want to engage and how they prefer to connect. And if you’ve gone through it, or are in the middle of it, you also know this truth: not everyone responds.

In fact, through our work with hundreds of organizations, we’ve seen that by the end of the 7-step process, only about 1 in 3 donors typically want a personal relationship. That means two-thirds either don’t respond or politely decline.

It’s easy to get frustrated, especially when you’re leaving voicemails, sending emails, and hearing nothing back. After a while, it can feel like you’re shouting into the void.

And that’s when that little voice in your head starts making up stories about why people aren’t responding. Those stories compound and can even start to be catastrophic for your work.

The Danger of Assumptions

I hear it from gift officers all the time:

“The donor must be annoyed that I called and emailed.”
 “They don’t want to give anymore.”
 “Maybe I should stop doing this before we lose them.”

But here’s the truth—those stories don’t help you, and they don’t help your donors. When you’re trying something new or hard, it’s tempting to grab onto the first explanation that lets you off the hook. But the qualification process works because of the spacing of the follow-up outreach. You’re telling the donor that you care about them and really want to connect with them. That they aren’t just an item on your to-do list. That they’re worth putting in a little effort.

Remember: your outreach is one small moment in your donor’s much busier life. You may be spending 30–40 hours a week focused on your caseload. Meanwhile, your donor is juggling family, work, health, and a million other priorities. If it’s not the right time, they won’t respond, and that has nothing to do with you.  

When you are committed to the qualification process and continue to build trust by following up when you say you will, donors will connect when it works for them. 

Real-Life Reasons Donors Don’t Respond Right Away

I’ve had clients tell me amazing stories about donors who reached out weeks—or even months—into the qualification process. These are a list of REAL reasons a donor didn’t respond immediately to a gift officer:

• They were on a four-month, around-the-world cruise.
• Their daughter gave birth to a preemie, and they relocated to help.
• They broke their back and spent six months in traction.
• They were selling their company and preparing for retirement.
• They were moving, getting married, or simply forgot to update their contact info.
• It wasn’t the right time, but 18 months later it was, and they kept the fundraiser’s contact information.

You know what all these have in common? It wasn’t about the fundraiser. It was about the donor. 

That’s the beauty of qualification. It gives donors the permission to tell you how they want to engage with you and you organization. It centers their story, not yours. If you’re just starting out and find yourself inventing stories about your donors' silence, here’s my challenge: Imagine the most over-the-top, outlandish reason they’re not responding—one that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  

Then take a breath, follow up as planned, and trust the process. 

When they’re ready, they’ll respond.

Lauren Centrella