Turning Their “No” Into Your “Yes”

Every fundraiser has gotten a “no” at some point in their career.

Sure, it’s part of the job, but it’s an experience that can make you feel frustrated and dispirited with your work and your motivation. Sometimes, you’ll make your best effort, offer a powerful and well-planned ask, and you won’t even get a response—the ugliest kind of “no.”

Most of us have been taught that a “no” indicates failure and means you are unworthy or should feel shame about your ask. It’s so powerful that it scares off a lot of fundraisers from trying again, makes them doubt themselves, encouraging them to question their ideas and abilities.

But failure can actually be a building block for success; we just have to re-orient our way of thinking about it. Great achievements are almost always preceded by failures. And note that I said failures—plural. Many failures.

Here’s a statistic: in the business world, the ratio between ideas and successful product introductions is 1,200 to 1. You might look at that ratio and conclude that there wasn’t much value in those other 1,199 ideas. You might see them simply as a long list of failures. Or you could see the truth, which is that each time you try something and don’t fully succeed, you’re learning more and more about (a) what doesn’t work, and (b) what might work next time.

In other words, the more you get rejected, the more clarity and focus you’ll have as a fundraiser moving forward. The “no” is nothing more than a step on your journey to a “yes,” allowing you to get closer to donors that do want to engage with you, and giving you more time to understand their interests and inspire greater levels of giving.

It reminds me of a Taoist proverb that I think is worth sharing.

It’s about a Chinese farmer whose horse runs away one day.

“That’s bad news,” his neighbors tell him.

“Good news, bad news, who can say?” the farmer replies.

Soon after, his horse returns with a second horse, which many believe to be a brilliant stroke of luck. Instead of labeling it as such, the farmer gives the horse to his son, who proceeds to break his leg after getting bucked off.

A few days later, military leaders visit the farmer’s town and demand all the able-bodied young men be rounded up for war. Thanks to his recent injury, the farmer’s son is spared.

“What good news,” his neighbors exclaim.

The farmer withholds judgment. And on and on....

This philosophical approach can do wonders for you. The failures and “no’s” we encounter in our lives can be either huge monsters or turn into sneaky wonderful gifts. Everything exists in context. Your next rejection could be a blessing in disguise—it just depends on how you choose to look at it.

After all, a “no” from a donor can mean so many things:

• No, not now.
• No, not that.
• No, wrong amount.
• No, I have a concern.
• No, I have other priorities.

Each of these answers provides you with information you can use. What a gift to find out which “no” it is! You can now use it as a tool, a motivator, and a reason to either move on and focus on the right donors, or to dive deep and figure out how to get a “yes” the next time.

Ultimately, how you respond to rejection will be the key to your success. So, get out there and find your “no’s.” They’re your friends—really!

Jeff