Talking to Strangers (Or Donors You Don’t Know Yet)

Do you find that first conversation with a donor you haven’t met to be a bit, well, scary? I don’t mean shaking in your boots terrified. But enough that you have to inhale-exhale before you start speaking?

You’re not alone. Even if others don’t admit it, many of us don’t find it natural to jump in with someone we don’t know.

I heard an interview on my local public media station with author Gillian Sandstrom about her book “The Hidden Power of Talking to Strangers.” It got me thinking about how to get better at this—that first opening sentence to make a connection and the move on to a conversation.

Wait for it—and practice.

Practice with strangers you see all the time. Maybe at the train station before boarding. Maybe while you’re in line at the grocery store or coffee shop. Perhaps with the neighbor walking by with her dog. Or while pumping your gas with the person across the station from you.

Think of low-stakes situations where you won’t be in a prolonged conversation. It has to do with improving your skills in asking what we call “Be Curious” questions. And it is a key part of our Permission-Based Asking approach to donor conversations.

In another interview posted at Greater Good Magazine, Sandstrom spells out a way to think about having conversations with strangers using the acronym QUICK:

[QU: Questions] The single most common question I’ve used is, “Whatcha doing?” For example, I saw a man who looked like he was taking a picture of a fence, and I asked, “Whatcha doing?” I saw a group of people in a park huddled over a piece of equipment they were fiddling with and asked, “Whatcha doing?” Coming from a place of curiosity, right? But you could see someone with binoculars and ask, “What are you hoping to see today?” Or ask someone if there’s a story behind their tattoo. There are all sorts of different questions you can ask.

[IC: In Common] It’s why we talk about the weather so much, because that’s something we have in common. Other than that, I might talk to people if I’m at the theater, asking why they chose to come to this show and what other things they’ve seen. You can bring people’s attention to your shared environment. I love dogs; so, I’ll say to a stranger, “Did you see those dogs? They’re having such a good time.”

[K: Kindness] That could be giving someone a compliment, but it could also be offering someone directions or offering someone a seat or your company.

Another approach to learning this skill that Sandstrom recommends is a team-building exercise using a scavenger hunt of sorts. Instead of finding and bringing back a collection of things, turn it into looking for a person in a scenario and asking a question.

My point is you can practice this and develop a real skill at making that first step by asking a curious question. And as you get better at that and use it in donor conversations, you’ll have more meaningful connections.

What started as a bit “scary” becomes the way you engage with people.

In my next blog: One Question to Unlock a Conversation.